10 Myths about being Married to a White Man
Today, regarding interracial dating, there are still huge stereotypes, misconceptions, and myths about what it means to date someone with a different race. As a black woman married to a white man, I’ve become more and more aware of how many people see interracial dating and marriage.
Many of the questions I hear are offensive, biases, and downright lies. and helping me establish a more disciplined lifestyle.
1.“You’re gonna have yellow kids.”
“Yes, that is verbatim what someone said to me, and it may be the most offensive statement on this list. When I heard this, I didn’t even respond. Yes, our kids will be a “mixed race,” and they will not have all white privilege, but they will survive like people of color have before them for centuries. They’ll be ‘aight.”
2. How is your sex life?
“Wow! Really? Hmm, this is a humorous one for me. First off I’m not sure that the race of a person can determinate their skill level in helping a woman to orgasm. That would make it too easy for us women, or depressing depending on how you look at it.”
3. How does your husband’s family feel about you?
“I may need to explain why this is offensive, because at first glance it may seem like a legitimate question that you would ask any girlfriend. The issue, in my case, is that it’s not an innocent question, people are referring to my skin color. Not my personality, my avid love for traveling, or my religious orientation, but only regarding “what do they think about you being black.” Luckily for me, my husband has always marched to the beat of his drum, so I believe they knew to accept me, keep comments to themselves, and keep it moving.”
4. What’s it like being married to a white guy?
“Ok people, he’s not an alien creature. He’s an American man, with two legs, two eyes and bleeds just like and another man. So we may have different cultural backgrounds, but all in all, we are so wrapped up in loving each other that the outside world is invisible most of the time. So what’s it like? Like being in love with any man. He just sees me for me. Unfortunately for us those we have different political views so that sometimes causes an issue, but we just avoid discussing politics.”
5. I need to get me one of those.
“This statement is a little humorous, so usually, I’ll just laugh and joke like “yep you do.” Let’s be real, just because you date or marry a white guy doesn’t mean that you won’t face similar challenges that you would if you’re with a man from the same race. A good man is a good man, regardless of race.”
6. I’ve heard they love to go downtown.
“Don’t all men? If you didn’t answer yes, you’re dating the wrong men, in my opinion.”
7. There’s no way my family would be ok with that.
“Hmm, well I suppose that’s why you aren’t married to a white guy then. As for me and my house, I choose to broaden my horizons and see beyond someone’s race regardless of what my ancestors did or thought. It’s my job to move my family forward so we can progress as a people.”
8. You love “them,” white guys because you’re from Europe.
“True I am European (British). I do think this has more to do with my level of exposure to people from different cultures. Growing up I witnessed many interracial relationships, and it was never taboo.”
9. You think you’re too good for black guys-huh?
“I do have high standards and have been called HM (her majesty or high maintenance- which ever suits you) by some, but I didn’t marry my husband because I didn’t think black men were good enough. In my situation, I just happened to fall in love young and follow my heart. However, I know a lot of successful young black men who are balling, and 100% a catch, despite everything society does to try and hold them down. So no I don’t think I’m too good.”
10. Those who marry whites are just trying to lighten their bloodline.
“Well, I don’t remember where I read this, but it’s so backward, I can’t believe people still think like this. Having a mixed raced child is difficult because they face challenges that my husband and I have never experienced. Also, I married for love, not for any other ulterior motive. Maybe this was naïve, but I would rather live in a world where relationships are based on love and not calculating your outcome or benefit from a relationship.”
“Despite the general approval, myths around interracial relationships, I have a healthy, 12 year, normal and loving marriage.”