No matter how many times I meet you, there are never enough words to tell you how I really feel. There is never enough time to show you my gratitude. There is not a hug long enough that I could give. No present, no token of gratitude, no letter of appreciation can ever show you how much my heart bleeds for you, yet shines brightly for my family and I— two completely opposite emotions happening simultaneously. But today, I will try to tell you what I have always wanted to say but could never articulate.
No matter how many times I meet you, there are never enough words to tell you how I really feel. There is never enough time to show you my gratitude. There is not a hug long enough that I could give. No present, no token of gratitude, no letter of appreciation can ever show you how much my heart bleeds for you, yet shines bright for my family and I— two completely opposite emotions happening simultaneously. But today, I will try to tell you what I have always wanted to say but could never articulate.
You were placed in this world for a reason more special than any other woman on this earth. Your purpose, your higher calling, your mark on this planet is larger than mine. You gave life to my family, literally and figuratively. I would be counting to eternity if I could count the tears I’ve cried over the fear of never holding a baby that I could call my son or daughter. You made those tears stop. My greatest fear is that when my crying stopped, yours began.
When you see other mothers coddling their little babies, soothing their cries and kissing their sweet cheeks, I’m so sorry for the hurt you are feeling that only you know. I’m sorry that you may be wondering about the well-being of your children or if they are being hugged and kissed. I’m sorry that you may want to hold your daughter one more time and tell her things you may have forgotten. I’m sorry that your heart may physically ache when you read your friends’ post-pregnancy announcements on Facebook or when you witness them getting the full support of their families as they bring their babies home. While your heart is aching mine is fluttering with joy. Please know in the depths of your soul that all of your fears and heartaches are being held in my heart, and because of that, the love your children receive from me is unlike any other.
You see, I loved your babies with my whole heart and soul before I even met you. My husband and I have wept for the loss of children we would never carry but so badly wanted. When I assure you that your kids are loved, it’s not enough, I know. When I assure you that every person in our extended family prays for you every day, I know it’s not sufficient. When I tell you that we tell our daughter and son about you every day and they know how brave you are, I know it’s not enough. But I hope it eases your pain.
When you return to school or work with your body changed from your sacrifice, and people ask you questions, I want you to know that you have actual battle scars. You have fought and won a battle many women would never fathom entering. You have chosen to not only give your children a chance at a life you want for them, but you have given yourself a second chance at making the life you want for yourself. Maybe you entered this battle unwillingly and stuck it out despite what your boyfriend, family, and friends wanted. Regardless, what you have done, what your physical body may remind you of every day, is nothing short of miraculous. My dear, you have fought the good fight. While you may have physical reminders forever, let them remind you of what you were sent here to do. You are a warrior.
Now that your pregnancy is over I know you may have an even greater battle ahead, like an addiction. Please do not fall back into that world. This is the most difficult thing for me to talk to you about because I know addiction is a monster. You have come so far. You have dealt with enough already. It is time for you to be the real you. Give yourself the gift of health. Allow yourself the time to deal with the struggle that could indeed end your life, so that you may actually live. I want to tell my baby boy about your bravery. I want him to meet you later in life, hug you, and thank you for the choice you made. Do not let addiction get in the way of that chance. There is nothing more I want for you than you healing completely in all aspects of your life.
Lastly, when your head hits the pillow at night, and you undoubtedly think of your children, know that the last thing I tell them before they close their eyes is how grateful we are for you. I want them to grow up being so proud of where they came from — from you and me. They have a story, unlike any other children. A woman whose strength knows no bounds gave them life. These children, these beautiful souls, have two mothers in both you and me. Although they may not see you in person, I see you in them every day. I see their bravery, their laughter, their happiness and my heart pours out with gratitude for these lives you have given me.
A Millennial Adoptive Mother
Our Millennial Mom Michelle shares her advice regarding health, dating, motherhood, relationship questions and specializing in adoption issues. Do you have a question for Michelle? Email her at firstname.lastname@example.org.